Storm of the Unvaxxed?

Breaking news:

Upcoming Nor’easter Blamed on the Unvaccinated

Washington D.C. – The Biden Administration cites vaccine hesitancy as the primary cause of the looming winter storm. At the president’s behest, National Weather Service and the Center for Disease Control have put out a joint statement sounding the alarm. In addition, the Environmental Protection Agency issued a recent announcement that lists anti-vaxxerism as a major factor in global warming.

“Not getting the vaccine leads to a significant increase in carbon emission,” said an EPA spokesperson, “so being vaccinated reduces carbon. Those carbon-emitting unvaccinated are putting the entire planet at risk.”

“Our patience is running thin,” said Dr. Anthony Fauci of the NIH, "and if you're unvaccinated, you're on thin ice. Just get the shot or get snowed in.”

Bracing for 2 to 3 feet of snowfall in her city, Boston Mayor Michelle Wu had harsh words for Bostonians who haven’t yet received their third booster shot: “Vaccine-hesitant global warmers will no longer be tolerated in our environmentally-conscious city,” she stated, adding that the DPW will not shovel out streets of unvaccinated residents.

NYC issued a mandatory lockdown for the under-vaccinated in advance of the winter storm and to last indefinitely. New Yorkers who cannot prove their vaccine status will not be able to purchase milk, bread, toilet paper, or any other storm staples. If any power outages occur, ConEdison and other utility companies were instructed not to restore service to the vaccine-defiant. “Let them freeze to death,” Mayor Eric Adams commented.

Biden has alerted Homeland Security to list the unvaccinated at the top of the list of weather terrorists.

“This a highly dangerous and mutated storm,” said the president at today’s press conference, “and the only real protection is to get your shot.” He insisted that the vaccinated have nothing to be worried about. “They’ll just have a little flurry and will be able to continue living their lives. But the unvaccinated will suffer severe weather conditions, severe illness, and death. So just go out and get… you know, the thing.”

On a hot mic, the president was heard muttering under his breath:

“It’s a nor'easter of the son-of-a-b—tch unvaccinated.”

PS: this is parody. Sort of.